When the World is Telling You "Hush"...

I ran across this blog post from Paula Prober on the GHF Facebook page...

"Individuals with rainforest minds are often intense and quite bright. They love learning new things and sharing what they learn with others. But you may run into trouble when your cohorts don’t appreciate your long detailed descriptions or your esoteric musings."

                                                                ~Exuberance and Unending Curiosity

                

It described me exactly. I love to find an article or blog or research paper about something interesting that has lots of other links to study it further. I read the links, I check the cited books out of the library, I soak it all up until the next subject is discovered. I love to share what I've learned, usually with my husband or sister, who humor me kindly.

Sometimes, I get so excited about it, that I forget to check my surroundings before I start spouting off.

One night, the husband and I had a Trivial Pursuit night with his best friend and wife. One of the questions reminded me of some random subject of interest that I had just finished reading about. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I do remember saying, "Oh! I was just reading something about that, and what actually happens is..." and it being so interesting to me, but the eyes of our friends began to glaze over. My husband started doing the "cut" sign across his throat. And the sound of crickets.

I may just be over-analyzing (yes, I do that too. Sigh.), but I believe that was the last time we were invited over to their house. The guys hang out all the time, but our families haven't gotten together in a long while. Are we just all busy, or did I accidentally cross the line of letting too much of my wiring out?

It's so rare and comforting to run across someone besides my husband who "gets" me. It feels as is a big sigh of relief washes over my entire body. I can be myself. I can talk about my kids. I don't have to pretend. Most of these people, however, I have only found online, and I am a proximity person. I typically need to see you often to be able to feel close to you...but maybe I will have to train myself to be different in this area if I'd like more real friends. I have been making a concerted effort to be more involved in a few of my online groups, and I'll see how that goes.

When I was in middle school, I was part of a gifted program that grouped those of us that qualified together for language arts, social studies, math and science. Those school years were my best - I was surrounded by people who were so much like me. We had different interests, and we understood how exciting it was to share them with each other. Then came high school, and several moves, and we fell out of touch. Since that time, I have made a few friends that have lasted with me over time, but they are not "spill my guts" friends. And certainly not "spill my guts about my kids" friends.

Over time, I have just come to the realization that I am who I am, and I like who I am. I have become an expert at toning myself down and fitting my personality into the circumstance, but it's so cramped in that box!

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As I watch my kids grow and develop, and see that they have acquired many of these same traits, it encourages me to not keep myself folded up in that box. I want them to love and appreciate themselves for who they are, and the best way to teach them is by example. Of course, they will need to learn some situational cues and behaviors in order to survive in this world, but I'd like them to be confident in themselves and not be convinced that they need to camouflage their personalities, as I did for 30 some years.

So, here's to getting out of that box and exploring the rainforest.