The Fog Always Lifts

March is over.

Thank goodness.

I don't know what causes it - the stars, the ides, my luck - but March has been a historically difficult month for me. Some years it's sickness. One year brought a miscarriage, two other years it was the month miscarried babies were to be born. Still a different year, my grandfather, in the early stages of dementia, disappeared. He was found a week later in our neighboring state, disoriented and looking for home. His car was drivable, but a wreck. Where had he been?

I feel a bit like that car after last month. I'm still in working order, but it's hard to say where I've been. My pen stopped writing. I felt heavy. There were far too many moments that I felt like jumping in the car, blasting my Lumineers playlist, and getting lost.

But it's April now, and it's going to be alright.

It's normal to feel like this occasionally. It happens to everyone. Studies show that the gifted may be affected by depression to a higher degree due to our heightened responses to emotions.

This particular round brought a suitcase full of negative self-talk.

"You can't do this."
"Why are you trying? You're doing an awful job."
"You have let this happen."
"Look what _____ is doing. Why can't you do that?"
"Why did you say that? You sound so stupid."
And a whole course of other unkind words.

I am a naturally optimistic person. Where others see a problem or pathology, I usually find the hope and the benefits of the situation. But sometimes the pessimism creeps in like a weed and becomes a struggle to uproot.

image: Hammonton Photography

So what to do?

1. Self-Affirmation, or Be Your Best Friend.

When I counsel teens, I often mention self-affirmation. I say, "Look in the mirror. Tell yourself three positive things about you. Do it every day. Soon, you'll mean it, and it won't be difficult to think of them anymore."

Have I been doing this myself? No. Instead, I've been berating myself in my head for what I have and haven't done, for what my kids are and aren't doing, for how I sounded on that phone call, for how my jeans fit...and on and on.

I have to be my own best friend. If I wouldn't say it to my best friend, I shouldn't say it to myself.

2. Reach Out. Talk to a Someone, or Write it Down.

Tell a friend how you are feeling. Talk to a loved one. If that seems insurmountable, get a journal. Write a letter that describes how you feel, maybe several. Describe the hopelessness. Ask yourself what life feels like when you are not in this place, and how you will know when it’s getting better.

Just mentioning how I was feeling to a friend, without detail, but acknowledging it, was the first step in managing my feelings. The cloud I was was under lost a bit of its force, and I was able to write about it to myself in detail.

3. Get Outside. Get Some Exercise.

Sunlight and fresh air does wonders for the mental state. It's spring now. Taking a quiet walk, noticing the budding leaves and flowers brings me some new perspective. If you are a runner who has been languishing through the colder months, put those running shoes back on and clear your head. Kara at Quill and Camera recommended this 7 minute workout app for those with limited time, and it looks great.

I've started jogging in the morning or doing yoga. Both get my endorphins going and I feel the effects for the whole day.

4. Do Something Nice for Yourself. 

Buy yourself some bright flowers. Make something pretty. Give yourself a few moments to sit in silence and breathe. Get that book you've been meaning to read.

I just bought a new spring dress, and I plan to wear it and walk in sunshine and tell myself happy things.

5. Practice Mindfulness.
You hear that so often these days that it sounds like just another buzzword. Why is it important?. It's easy to get so caught up in just surviving that we forget to stop and notice how we feel right now.

I find my most peaceful moments with my youngest, once her unending energy has calmed and she is asleep. I snuggle up and breathe deeply with her. I visualize all of my stresses seeping out of me and out of her window because they are simply not allowed in her room.

Concentrate less on how you felt yesterday, or might feel tomorrow. Be present in today.


It feels as though I am alone during these melancholy days, but I know I'm not. I'd love you to comment and tell me how you get through the more difficult times!

image: Indy Kethdy
Haiku: Tyler Knott Gregson

Resources:

The Benefits of Mindfulness and Meditation (Left Brain Buddha)

Depressive Disorder in Highly Gifted Adolescents (SENG)

Exercising When You're Depressed

Self-help Strategies for Depression

The Psychology of Change: Self Affirmation and Social Psychological Intervention (Stanford)

6 Practical and Powerful Ways to Overcome Depression

{GHF Blog Hop} Gifted in Reel Life: Those Quirky Red Boots

One of my favorite movies depicting a gifted person is "All About Steve" with Sandra Bullock. (Warning: the movie/trailer is PG-13. Also, this may post may contain spoilers. And, to be fair, the trailer is a terrible representation of the movie. But I digress.)

In the movie, Bullock plays Mary Horowitz, a crossword puzzle constructor (a cruciverbalist - don't you love that word?) with an awful lot of quirks.

The synopsis from IMDB describes the story as such: 

"Crossword puzzle constructor Mary Horowitz (Sandra Bullock) is smart, pretty - and a natural disaster that shakes news cameraman Steve (Bradley Cooper) to the core. Set up on a blind date with Steve, Mary thinks the chemistry is undeniable and just knows she's found her soulmate. She decides to do anything and go anywhere to be with him. Mary's escalating infatuation is encouraged by the self-serving actions of news reporter Hartman Hughes (Thomas Haden Church) who enjoys torturing his insolent cameraman at every opportunity. As the news team crisscrosses the country covering breaking news stories, Steve becomes increasingly unhinged as Mary trails them. But when the overzealous Mary becomes embroiled in the news story of the year, Steve and Hartman begin to see her differently. Mary has fallen down a mineshaft and steve feels guilty for knowing its his fault she is down there. Mary manages to get out of the mineshaft and races into the arms of her new odd-ball friends."

When I first heard about the movie, my thoughts were, "Bradley Cooper and Sandra Bullock? Fun romantic comedy? Sure!"

Instead, I found a fairly accurate depiction of a highly gifted woman, living unapologetically in a world that just didn't get her.

The movie critics and the majority of online reviewers gave this movie an average of 1.5 stars, and had nothing nice to say about the plot or the characters. They saw Mary as a ditsy, emotionally clueless woman looking for love. One reviewer called her referred to her as "intended as the kind of crazy tornado who makes all the normal people reconsider their lives, but just unbelievably irritating in practice".  The first part of the movie depicts her as a sex-starved woman, desperate for human contact.

Pretty harsh. Are you wondering what I found positive about this movie?

As the movie progressed, I saw in Mary's character a brilliant, kind, enthusiastic, endlessly optimistic person who is able to see far beyond the horizon that most people look at. I loved Mary's dialogue in the movie...a constant stream of information and language, banter that few around her appreciate.

Mary tells jokes that only she laughs at. She loves words with a passion, and it pains her when they are used incorrectly, or are misunderstood. She is a walking thesaurus and encyclopedia on just about every subject. She is awkward.  She jumps into the deep end of a relationship with abandon, and doesn't notice when others don't follow.

*     *     *     *     *

...sound familiar yet? Or am I the only one who has "The Secret Life of Pronouns" on my bookshelf?

*     *     *     *     *

Mary has a pair of favorite red boots that she wears every day, every where. They don't make sense to other people. It makes others uncomfortable, somehow, to see Mary wear these ridiculous boots all the time. Why can't she just wear something normal?

Mary is intense, and this really bothers people, fictional and non-fictional.

*     *     *     *     *

Are you, or your children attached to certain pieces of clothing, a blanket or other item that just feels right? As Mary says when asked why she wears the boots, "Because it makes my toes feel like ten friends on a camping trip, that's why."  Don't let anyone tell you that's not okay! 

*     *     *     *     *

The depiction of Mary throughout the movie  can be painful to watch.

She is continually mocked, misunderstood, and portrayed to be a crazy stalker who doesn't understand social nuances. Her good will is taken advantage of for the benefit of others.

There is a scene in which she talks to a group of children about her job. She describes the joy of writing crossword puzzles, but the children can't get past the fact that she lives with her parents, is single, and doesn't appear to be very successful. She is ridiculed by a roomful of 10 year olds.

Her relationship skills leave something to be desired. She is placated by her date, Steve, who creates an emergency work situation to get out of his date with her. "Yeah, I wish you could be there with me..." She takes his words seriously, literally and directly to heart. She plans the future with these words.

*     *     *     *     *   

One time at the doctor's office, B asked many questions about a surgery the doctor told her he was performing the following day. She asked him if she could come watch the next one. "Oh sure," he replied. "You can come watch me any time."  As she planned the rest of her week around the surgery she was going to get to assist with, I told him that she was going to expect to join him in the OR if he said things like that. She was crushed when he explained that she couldn't really watch him, and he was just joking. "I've never met a kid like her before..." he mused as we left. 

*     *     *     *     *   

Mary travels via bus across the country after Steve. While on the bus, she dispenses data and fun details about everything she sees and hears. Her knowledge is extensive, and she loves to share. She doesn't notice the reaction of the people around her. They are annoyed, frustrated, and just want her to be quiet. The bus driver tricks her into getting off of the bus and strands her at a gas station in the desert.

For talking too much.  For being different.

"I'm not good at...silence. 'Mary doesn't do quiet', that's how my grandmother always said it. 'What's that hush?' she'd holler at a party. 'It's Mary about to talk', then she'd laugh and laugh and laugh. Everybody would...but I knew something they didn't – that is you keep talking, if you keep on talking, you don't hear people saying they don't like you. And if you're talking, you just might not hear it when some kid...calls you a freak.”

Words can be a great comfort in a world that doesn't understand you.

*     *     *     *     *

In our household, we have a high volume of long conversations that begin with, "Mom, want to know something?"  There is always a new thought, an idea to consider, or knowledge to share. It's painful to consider how this would be perceived and reacted to in many venues.

*     *     *     *     *

Along the way, Mary gets involved in various social actions, and demonstrates the depth of her empathy, and ability to see the good in others. She makes friends with people who are also a little off the beaten track, and love her for who she is, red boots and all. As Steve says, "She sees things other people don't...she doesn't pretend to be anything she's not."

She finds her tribe.

image: Graham Keen

I can't help myself. I love this movie, I love her character. I relate.



Have you seen this movie? Did you hate it? Love it? What movie characters do you see glimpses of yourself in?


This blog post is part of the Gifted Homeschoolers' Forum January Blog Hop - Gifted in Reel Life. Please join me in reading the insightful and humorous blogs about how gifted children and adults are portrayed in books and media here, or click the image below! 

{GHF Blog Hop} Five Tips for Raising Your Gifted Grown-Up

**TSL has moved to Wordpress! You will be redirected to the new site in 5 seconds. Thanks for coming along!**
 
Raising your gifted grown-up comes with its unique set of challenges. Sure, it is fantastic to be raised by someone who understands why the line across the toe of your socks drives you into a frantic tailspin, but these grown-ups take time and patience to handle. I have put together a list of a few things you can do to keep that gifted mom/dad's meltdowns to a minimum, and help them "meet their potential", as we hear them say in conversation. *

1. Food. Your gifted grown-up needs healthy snacks and meals every 2-3 hours. It is important to pay attention and be sure that they are not just finishing the snacks and meals that you decided you no longer liked or wanted to eat. Grown-ups are tricky, and will tell you that they don't feel like making another snack because they have just spent 15 minutes in the kitchen paying close attention that the peanut butter on your celery is applied with the correct peanut butter to celery ratio, and the celery strings have all been removed. If your gifted grown-up does not eat their very own snack, you will notice a quick decline in their behavior, perhaps presented in the form of short-tempered responses followed by apologies. If your grown-up continues to decline food after your generous offers, get a big scoop of that peanut butter on a spoon, and bring it to them with your best puppy-dog eyes. Tell them you just want what is best for them. Who can resist that?

2. Exercise. Your gifted grown-up needs to move. He/she builds up a great deal of energy throughout the day, and may even have psychomotor overexcitabilities. If you notice that your mom is fidgeting a lot while you are explaining to her why you have been considering that the moon has a core, and based on the recent evidence of Europa's tectonic activity, you feel that you are on the right track, and will she please help you find some more information about this, she may need to do some jumping jacks while you talk, chew a piece of gum, or play with a stress ball. She wants to pay attention, but occasionally her mind wanders and her inner engine revs up and needs a release. It might help to encourage her to go for a run in the morning, or do some yoga in order to get some of that energy out before you expect her full attention for the day.

3. Brain Food. Your gifted grown-up requires a great deal of intellectual stimulation. Stacks and stacks of it. Take numerous trips to the library. Ask lots of questions, preferably questions that your grown-up has not considered before, or in a subject area that he is not well-versed. This will give your gifted grown-up motivation to do some research.  Your gifted grown-up has his own interests, too, and often forgets to pursue them. Watch for answers to grow shorter, eyes to grow a bit dull, and a smile that looks forced. These are signs of brain food shortage, and can be remedied by reminding him to do something that he enjoys and feeds his need for knowledge. Provide some quiet time for him so he can focus on writing, researching, or another favorite brain past-time.

...which bring me to my next tip.

4. Quiet time. Gifted grown-ups need time to recharge. Consider the morning that you and your sister were busy creating an awesome 5-pot band, complete with a harmonica, your baby brother would not let Mom put him down, and the road construction crew had been repairing your block. Mom's sensual overexcitability was probably on overload. If she didn't have a melt-down, it was probably a few precious threads away from happening. Send your gifted grown-up to a quiet place daily. Tell her that it is really, truly okay to take some time for herself in a calm, peaceful room. She needs to reboot, or someone may just get the boot. While she is having her quiet time, you and your siblings should also find something quiet to do, like rearrange the kitchen for her, or see how high you can stack every book from the shelf in the living room. But remember, keep it quiet. She needs some peace.

5. Grown-Up Friends. Your gifted grown-up will tell you that she has plenty of friends and adult interaction. It's most likely not true. Adults need other adults to talk to, whether they are virtual or in-person friends. Yours may be an introvert who prefers one or two select people, and finds group interactions and office parties exhausting. He may not have found his person yet. Gifted grown-ups frequently have a difficult time finding others with whom they "fit in". If your gifted grown-up fits this description, there are several on-line forums and groups that have the potential of showing your gifted grown-up that they are not alone, are not crazy, and do have a "tribe" somewhere. Encourage them to find these other special adults, and make some connections.

Most importantly, encourage your gifted grown-up. It is a glorious thing to have a mind like theirs, but from time to time they get bogged down in the difficulties and forget. Remind them that they are unique and get to experience the world in a way that most others do not. Give them a hug on the bad days. With your help, your gifted grown-up will flourish.

*This is, of course, a parody of the commonly seen blog posts entitled "10 ways To Motivate Your Gifted Child" or "5 Ways to Help Your Gifted Child Meet Their Potential". Humor aside, all of these areas are important to maintain sanity. Take care of yourself, gifted grown-ups. We are a complicated bunch, and without the proper attention to our needs, life can get difficult.

For more resources/support for gifted adults, follow these links:

Gifted Homeschoolers Online Forum, from GiftedHomeschoolers.org

Gifted Adults Page, from HoagiesGifted.org

Can You Hear the Flowers Sing? from SENG.org

(This article is one of my personal favorites.)

Paula Prober's amazing blog for gifted adults, Your Rainforest Mind

* * * * *

This blog post is part of the GHF October Blog Hop on Gifted Adults. I'm on my way to read the many insightful posts about being a gifted adult here. I hope you read them too!

Photo Credits:
Lunchbox: https://www.flickr.com/photos/buzzymelibee/8479667351/in/faves-123234002@N02/
Yoga Pose: https://www.flickr.com/photos/allmothers/4419851632/in/faves-123234002@N02/
Books: https://www.flickr.com/photos/cogdog/8139757998/in/faves-123234002@N02/

Stop Thinking. Start Doing.

I recently participated in a call hosted by Sara Yamtich and Jade Rivera on "multipotentiality" a.k.a. being interested in and wanting to go multiple directions with your life and how to make that happen.

I spent a good fifteen years of my life fitting myself into a little box, shrinking who I am to a minimum, ignoring hopes and dreams. I realized a few years ago that I don't have to feel trapped in circumstance anymore.

I have found many treasures that I love and want to use, now that I have "unpacked the box", so to speak, but it is difficult to remember how. I have also found that letting my emotions roam freely can be overwhelming and exhausting, and I struggle with how to manage them wisely.

A moment in the call particularly spoke to me - Jade discussed satisfying three things every day to keep herself in a state of peace: one for the mind, one for the heart, one for the body.

That sounds like an excellent starting point for me.

I  have responsibilities, and homeschooling two gifted girls is very time consuming, but I know I can do three things daily for myself.

So, what's my plan?

image: flickr

For my body - I began running in April. I am not a very athletic person, but one day, I had just had enough of everything, and needed 15 minutes to myself. I downloaded the Couch25k app, and got on the treadmill. Within a month, I felt motivated to run often, and I began running outside, which improved the experience further.

It's a soothing habit now. I run 1.5 miles 3-4 times weekly. It adds an element of  peace and nature and endorphins to my routine. It's healthy for my whole self.

For my mind - I am enrolled in a Coursera class - Modern and Contemporary Poetry from Penn State. I adore poetry and much of the material for the class will be new to me.  I enroll classes often, but I rarely participate. I will make it a priority to engage in this class, and pamper my brain, rather than watch another Grey's Anatomy on Netflix.☺

So far, I have taken 15-20 minutes in my day to watch the lectures and read the selected poems. B has been watching the lectures with me, and perhaps she will learn to love Emily Dickinson as much as I do.

For my heart - I need to help, to give. I tend to go all-out and give until I have nothing left for those who are most important to me, and then I come to an abrupt halt.

I volunteered at our local food bank/food center for a time, in the kids' reading room. I read with children who came with their families for their one hot meal of the day, helped with homework, and played with the little ones. My emotional OE went into overdrive and I could not stop thinking about the children and their lives. I wanted to take them all home, feed them all, love them all. I would break down thinking of them during the day, and I dreamt of it at night. My family suffered in the mean time, and I had to force myself to admit that it was too much for me. (In my head, this still sounds horribly selfish - my emotions were too much? Their lives are too much.)

I had to accept my limitations, however selfish it made me feel.  I don't know that I am able to turn my emotions to a lower gear, so I need to involve myself in productive endeavors that will satisfy but not consume me. My goal in this area is to give daily, in ways that are more sustainable for the long-term me. For now, I will engage in random acts of kindness, and look for small but meaningful ways to help in my community.


At the beginning of the call, Sara emphasized that "clarity comes from doing, not thinking", and that is is just fine to be and do more than one thing. It sounds so simple when I write it.

Stop thinking. Start doing.

image: flickr

Balancing Act

So many of my days, I have too much - too much that I want to do, too many thoughts in my head, too many things that I feel that I will never get to.

I make my lists and my to do's, short term and long term. I schedule my weeks so I can pencil in a time to get to these things. I remember my goals and tell myself to take my baby steps toward them. Then, my indecisiveness kicks in.

Look for volunteer opportunities - should I work with kids? Teens? Adults?

Find the right grad program - should I choose counseling or social work?
Register for a class - but do I have more interest in painting, or photography, or learning the ecology of my region? 

I need to get out of the house. Make a choice. Change the world. I can do this. 

And then I become paralyzed by  - what? I don't know. The fear of failure? The guilt of taking time away from my kids to do something for myself for once? My lack of reliable babysitters?

This I do know: I want, NEED, to be more than a mom and housewife. I am good at many things, interested in countless topics, and have future career hopes and dreams. It's difficult to balance all of my desires along with all of the have-to's and need-to's. But honestly, I have to figure it out, otherwise I am afraid that some day I will end up angry or resentful or both, and my family is far too wonderful and supportive to put the blame on, when I know who is holding me back. Me.

As Sara Yamtich puts it, "There are so many ways that you could contribute to the world. And you’d probably be pretty darn sufficient at most of them. This is the fate of the multipotentialite."

It's just difficult to choose which one, and where to fit it into to my crazy life. 

Do you ever feel like this too?

On September 8, at 4pm PST, (7pm EST), I am going to be joining a community call hosted by Sara Yamtich and Jade Rivera, to discuss how we can accept, celebrate, and harness our multipotentiality. 

I encourage you to read Sara's blog and feel inspired and motivated, and then sign up for the call. From personal experience, after speaking with Sara for an hour, I felt like anything was possible, and that all I needed to do was to take the first steps to make it happen.

Jade is full of compassion and wisdom, her blog has helped me understand myself and my children better, and she has become a good friend. I am looking forward to speaking with these intelligent ladies, and others that are possibly in a rut like me, or have made it out of the rut, and have words of wisdom and support.

 Hope to "meet" you then!

The Days of Disconnect

I like to call it his bi-monthly angst. He mopes around the house and questions his choices, his career. Feels like all is fruitless, doesn't matter. Wants to change the world, but feels like he will never change the world. I wait it out, fight my own descent into it. I am an optimist. I will not be taken down by the sink.

But then, it catches me, completely unawares.

What? I don't do this. I am not depressed. This is not my thing.

The first day, I just feel antsy, full, like there is something inside me that needs to break out. I am restless around the house. Tired of cleaning, tired of laundry. I run 2 fast miles, but it's not enough. I do some research. I read a book. I plan an outline for a class I could teach this fall. I want to teach my children, play with them, but they are wrapped in a lovely imaginary world together that requires no facilitation on my part. I am just an interruption.

I feel stagnant. My house is stuffy. I am stuffy. I am not progressing the way I would like to. I have all of this frantic energy and it is tiring. Time, money, guilt, fear of failure, all keeping me in this room. Do I need sunshine? More friends? Am I lonely? Most of my connections are online, and on days like this, they feel like imaginary friends. My computer is quiet and doesn't drink coffee or wine, or make me laugh...

By the end of this day, I am unhappy with everyone. I don't really notice, but they do.

The next day, I wake up in the "depths of despair", as my dear Anne Shirley would say. I make myself get out of bed, drink my coffee, try to write a little, but mostly just stare at the screen.

My thoughts swirl around me while the rest of my household sleeps in peace.

What am I doing with my life? I should go back to school, get the degree I set out to get in the first place. The resources are 10 minutes away, but the money has been spent...I owe debts for a job that I no longer hold, to pay for a degree I don't want to use anymore. Am I doing the right thing, staying home with my children, letting them explore the world? Should I be teaching them more structure, using more curriculum? Are they going to end up in their teens having learned nothing about discipline and perseverance, because their mother didn't push them hard enough? I want to change the world...I will never change the world. I need a good cry.  

The air this morning is suffocating, closing in around me. I feel disconnected.


The kids wake up. I struggle to get them breakfast. C, my three year old emotional barometer, begins to act up. She is defiant, pulling at my clothes, hurting me, refusing to comply with anything. My frustration rises and I lose my temper. I hold her and try not to cry and apologize. She takes my face in her hands and looks into my eyes with understanding. She is once again feeling, reading, responding to my emotions. She is acting out my defiance, my pain, my frustration. We sit and snuggle for awhile and both feel better.

I have to find my happy face, or it is going to be a difficult day for everyone.

I wait for it to pass. I hope I am not just burying it further, to grow stronger roots.

I remember reading a beautiful description of self-portrait color therapy by The Younger Mrs. Ward, and decide to give it a try. I am not able to be all alone while I color as she advises, but my girls get out their paints and we all create together. It's nice. I begin as suggested, with a face profile, and make random shapes from there. I don't choose my colors in advance; I use what strikes me. My daughters admire my art while I again push back the tears.

When I am finished, however, I feel remarkably better. The fog is beginning to lift. I smile for what feels like the first time in two days while the girls show me their artwork.

We play together and I look at my picture every now and then. My husband returns from his job. The girls show them their "work" from the day. He looks at the bulletin board and asks them about my picture, which conveys more than I intended. "Who made this sad lady? It looks like she is crying an ocean of black tears. I hope she gets to that green part soon; it looks peaceful."

 
Me too.

My children continue to react to my emotional state...all of these sensitive souls bouncing off one another. B is disrespectful and angry. C is sad and clingy. I end up asking my husband to put them to bed, instead of following our usual bedtime routine. I feel guilty, neglectful.

I wake up a few long days later and stay in bed. I keep my eyes closed and assess how I am feeling from head to toe. I think I am better. I lay completely still until I am sure that I feel better than yesterday. I get some coffee. I don't check email or look at my computer at all. I just sit, and drink the coffee, and think. I go for a run, but run more slowly, paying attention to the trees and mountains and lovely views in my neighborhood. I eat breakfast. I sit in quiet and do nothing. I take a hot shower. I cautiously approach my day. I look at the picture I drew a few days before, and don't feel as connected to it. I give in to the temptation to turn on the computer, and spend some time reading articles from Sarah at Left Brain Buddha, whose blog always gives me something to think about. I bookmark some mindfulness activities.

The kids and I have a good day. My husband checks in on me and acknowledges that I sound much better. The hopelessness has lessened. I start making plans, researching options, clean up the house. It's sunny outside. We share happy hugs and have fun. The storm has passed for now.



To learn more about existential depression and giftedness...

Existential Depression in Gifted Individuals

Gifted Sensitive, in Need of Meaning: Existential Depression

Dabrowski's Theory and Existential Depression in Gifted Children and Adults

What is Existential Depression?

When the World is Telling You "Hush"...

I ran across this blog post from Paula Prober on the GHF Facebook page...

"Individuals with rainforest minds are often intense and quite bright. They love learning new things and sharing what they learn with others. But you may run into trouble when your cohorts don’t appreciate your long detailed descriptions or your esoteric musings."

                                                                ~Exuberance and Unending Curiosity

                

It described me exactly. I love to find an article or blog or research paper about something interesting that has lots of other links to study it further. I read the links, I check the cited books out of the library, I soak it all up until the next subject is discovered. I love to share what I've learned, usually with my husband or sister, who humor me kindly.

Sometimes, I get so excited about it, that I forget to check my surroundings before I start spouting off.

One night, the husband and I had a Trivial Pursuit night with his best friend and wife. One of the questions reminded me of some random subject of interest that I had just finished reading about. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I do remember saying, "Oh! I was just reading something about that, and what actually happens is..." and it being so interesting to me, but the eyes of our friends began to glaze over. My husband started doing the "cut" sign across his throat. And the sound of crickets.

I may just be over-analyzing (yes, I do that too. Sigh.), but I believe that was the last time we were invited over to their house. The guys hang out all the time, but our families haven't gotten together in a long while. Are we just all busy, or did I accidentally cross the line of letting too much of my wiring out?

It's so rare and comforting to run across someone besides my husband who "gets" me. It feels as is a big sigh of relief washes over my entire body. I can be myself. I can talk about my kids. I don't have to pretend. Most of these people, however, I have only found online, and I am a proximity person. I typically need to see you often to be able to feel close to you...but maybe I will have to train myself to be different in this area if I'd like more real friends. I have been making a concerted effort to be more involved in a few of my online groups, and I'll see how that goes.

When I was in middle school, I was part of a gifted program that grouped those of us that qualified together for language arts, social studies, math and science. Those school years were my best - I was surrounded by people who were so much like me. We had different interests, and we understood how exciting it was to share them with each other. Then came high school, and several moves, and we fell out of touch. Since that time, I have made a few friends that have lasted with me over time, but they are not "spill my guts" friends. And certainly not "spill my guts about my kids" friends.

Over time, I have just come to the realization that I am who I am, and I like who I am. I have become an expert at toning myself down and fitting my personality into the circumstance, but it's so cramped in that box!

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As I watch my kids grow and develop, and see that they have acquired many of these same traits, it encourages me to not keep myself folded up in that box. I want them to love and appreciate themselves for who they are, and the best way to teach them is by example. Of course, they will need to learn some situational cues and behaviors in order to survive in this world, but I'd like them to be confident in themselves and not be convinced that they need to camouflage their personalities, as I did for 30 some years.

So, here's to getting out of that box and exploring the rainforest.